Not that into what counts / by KR

I took a brain break last week and watched ”He’s Just Not That Into You,” or as we have come to call it “That’s What She Said.” My choices were pretty much Action or RomCom. I needed the less stressful RomCom. So, I was in a theater of couples taking their afternoon date.

Rant: What were you thinking choosing this as a date movie?!?! Didn’t you know that the next hour or more after you left the theater was to be a discussion of the current state of yalls relationship and which character is most like you??? I mean, come on. And don’t think I didn’t notice your complete inability to laugh because of the awkwardness it created for you and your significant other. Rant Over.

For all it’s funny, quirky “oh they really got that right” moments I left thinking, “Dear Lord, this is what people are going to think relationships are really like!” I will admit that on the surface, many of them do look like that. But that’s just it – surface. For each one of the characters I kept thinking that in the real world the stuff inside them is what makes them act the way they do; that in the real world there is so much more going on underneath the water of any given individual that it is truly a miracle that any of us ever connect. For as much as I could see myself, friends, former girlfriends, counseling clients, in the film’s characters, I also, knew there was so much more that causes me, friends, etc. to act that way. And just like the movie, there is plenty to laugh at.

Much of that laughter, though, comes on the backside of taking a good hard look at why certain choices were made, why certain destructive behavior was repeated in relationship after relationship; and for some why their marriage ended in divorce, why they cheated on their spouse. Many of those friends, clients, and even myself are people that are far more attractive, beautiful, endearing and healthy as a result of the internal journey.

Another rant: Ladies, there are so, so many of you out there that are gorgeous on the outside, so you want know what’s going to set you apart from just another pretty face? Dealing with your shit. Because there is a beautiful mess inside that no amount of make-up or hair or clothes will ever hold a torch to. Guys, the same goes for you. Stop checking yourself in the mirror, polishing the reflection, and start working through the crap and glory inside the real man you hardly know. The world needs more healthy men and women and less Hollywood replicas. Rant over.

The majority of people probably don’t give it much thought, but if you take a look inside yourself and simply see how much is really going on I think you might understand grace. For every nutso, wounded, crazymaking part of you that you find, there are 6.5 billion other people with their own version of it. Now if all those individuals are operating with that stuff in play in some degree or another, isn’t it an act of grace that we don’t kill each other? And much more so, a miracle that we even can marry and raise children and continues to exists?

About the only two characters in the film that seem to somewhat reveal this awareness is Neil (Ben Affleck) and Beth (Jennifer Aniston). That only comes with… oh wait… I won’t spoil it for you. You will just have to go see for yourself…not on a date.